Life

There exists a certain strength, that may fill your soul if you should choose to let it in. 

There exists a certain contentment amidst the desires, that may teach you to live simply. 

There exists a certain empathy, that can help you align with your purpose. 

I see all of this, and yet I unsee it all. For my innermost being needs to be held, simply.

Choices

I've often been accused of being career oriented, being power hungry, wanting to establish the superiority of women. Words like these have always hurt me deeply.

Strangely, my life's events have congregated towards all of the above accusations. And yet, there's one thing that no one realizes. All of these are the byproducts of my choices. And I never chose money or power or public standing. What I always chose was my people.

'My people' are simply those people I love. Simple as that. And that started with my parents. I love them deeply. And so, every single choice I made in different phases of life, revolved around what would make them happy.

And that is how it'll always be. My people will always be what I choose. When they are happy is when I am happy.

All the rest is consequential.

Depth

The bubbles try their best to wash away the dust and heat of the city. She sits soaking in the silence and nursing the bruises of the multitudes of the city. The smell of her mountain attempts to soothe her soul.

Noises, sane voices and the words left unsaid, all fight for space in her head.

Is she so rooted that it has begun to inhibit her ability to spread her arms wide?
Is she capable of taking up more, burning brighter? For, she's realized that burning is what makes her come alive.
Is she ready to harness the energies and be a conduit to allow much happen through her?

She knows not. Yet, she must move. For the mountain cannot.

A solitary tear

My sorrow is summed up in a solitary tear that sits fat and wet in the corner of my eye.

O tear, I want a flood to follow, but you sit alone.
I want the sun to caress you, but the clouds refuse to move.

O tear, you hold so much pain in so little.
I want you to flow down my cheek, but no one pushes you.

O tear, stop bringing up pictures of all the love I had.
I want you to be kissed away, but the fleeting moment wont stop.

O tear, you bring hope that I will wake up strong tomorrow.
I want you to make my heart soft again, but all you do is glaze it.

O tear, as you finally flow down, I taste you.
Your sweet and your gone.

Trust

Dear Future Me,

Trust is such a fragile thing. It exists in your mind and yours alone. And yet, you project that trust onto another human and expect much from the journey.

Why must a perception that exists in you, be rewarded? No one is obliged to reciprocate it.

Why must you feel heartache based on another human's actions? No one asked you to trust them. You chose to.

Why must the trust you have built, become the basis of how you deal with people? They have not changed. Your expectations have.

You trust in people, in actions, in what you feel, because it is what allows you to move forward into the unknown each day. And that is an excellent way of life. Hold onto that, but never forget that the trust is yours, not theirs.

Love,
Today's Me

(A tough week has just passed with much heartache. What I'm definitely proud of though, was my ability to stay neutral and deal with people calmly. Self reliance is the best way forward.)

Happiness treats you fine?

I miss you.

Days turn into years... and yet I remember the contours of your face.

I whisk away a tear... the very tear I promised never to shed for you.

I miss you.

I work to forget the pain... and sometimes I feel so overwhelmed... will closure ever be mine?

You think of me often... I feel the vibe in my bones.

And,  I miss you.

Has happiness treated you fine? What a strange question it is.

Pure love never fades... it just changes shape.

Our paths will never cross I think... may happiness treat you fine.

I miss you. 

An end of an era

Grandmum or Ma as we called her, is no more. She was 90. She was a tiny woman only in stature, in everything else, she was larger than life.

In her last week, Ma managed to recreate the atmosphere of a large joint family in her house again. Family from all over made their way to Ooty to meet her one last time. And when I say family, it means six sons, two daughters, their spouses, their children, the children's children, the children's in laws, grandmum's co sisters and her family, grandmum's brothers and their families... and their in laws... and then friends and their families... you get the gist.

Yeah, there were on an average at least 50 people being fed in her house in her last week. Why I write this is to showcase how rich her life and heritage is, and how she linked so many people.

Now while she underwent 'Santara', a kind of death that is believed to elevate her soul to sainthood... I kept thinking about how full of life and self love she was.

She grew up in a family of agriculturists,  got married young, moved across the country and bore eight children, and hosted many prolific guests, ran a house with military precision, cooked like a five star chef and looked perfectly presentable always. And best of all, was an extravagant woman.

She wasn't a very religious woman... and yet in her death was elevated to sainthood... why? Because she was the embodiment of a certain truth that many younger women have forgotten. While you fulfil the demands of the many roles that society demands of you, love yourself first. Follow that passion, and pursue what you want stubbornly. If someone helps you along,  great, if they don't, find a way to do it yourself.

She lived a long life and left her unforgettable truth unto us.

I had the honour of lifting Ma's palki in her final journey. She often introduced me to guests as a son of the house... which was an extremely motivating thought for me, and why it meant a lot to me to carry her on her final journey.

If I could carry half your strength, discipline,  and self love with me, dear Ma, I will be much better for it. We will miss you Ma but I carry your life lessons close.